The 2008 Darwin Awards Goofy Stuff / Back Home
Thanks to Killer for sending this one!
You've been waiting for them
with bated breath, so without further ado here are the 2008 Darwin Awards.
Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after
squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retriev e his car
keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,'
accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the
wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom! When it collapsed,
burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and
shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a
hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle
shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had
placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he
would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man
walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was
full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon
seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up! and fired a few
wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire,
and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounc ed
dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended
cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.
Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONOURABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M.
so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would
happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they
knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of
traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the
walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge
they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable,
lay near by. They sec ured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other
to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his
foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and
was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant
22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes
before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing
elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to
the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to
evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens'