A Few Zen Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously:
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Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day
without sunshine is like, night.
On the
other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got
lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7
percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent
of lawyers give all the rest a bad name.
I feel
like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Honk if
you love peace and quiet.
Remember,
half the people you know are below average.
He who
laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression
is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early
bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive
way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Support
bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
Monday is
an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
A clear
conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is
inevitable, except from vending machines.
Get a new
car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
Plan to be
spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try
to be modest, and be proud of it!
If you
think nobody cares, try missing a
couple of payments.
How many
of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
OK, so
what's the speed of dark?
How do you
tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If
everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
When
everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work
pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone
has a photographic memory; Some just don't have film.
If Barbie
is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles
may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What
happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to
have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't
repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
AND THE
ONE I RELATE TO THE MOST THESE DAYS--
Inside
every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell
happened.