Australian Comebacks Goofy Stuff / Back Home
Thanks to Lisa for sending this one!
These were
posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses
by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor
__________________________________________________
Q:
Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do
the plants grow? (
UK
).
A:
We import all
plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (
USA
)
A:
Depends how much
you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q:
I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (
Sweden
)
A:
Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them
in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and HerveyBay ? (
UK
)
A:
What did your last
slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q:
Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (
USA
)
A:
A-fri-ca
is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
.... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross.
Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Which direction is North in Australia ? (
USA
)
A:
Face south and then
turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the
directions.
_________________________________________________
Q:
Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (
UK
)
A:
Why? Just use your
fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (
USA
)
A:
Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is .
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (
UK
)
A:
You are a British
politician, right?
____________________________ ______________________
Q:
Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (
Germany
)
A:
No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake
serum. (
USA
)
A:
Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q:
I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name.
It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (
USA
)
A:
It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees
and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.
__________________________________________________
Q:
I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me
where I can sell it in Australia ? (
USA
)
A:
Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller
than the male population? (
Italy
)
A:
Yes, gay night clubs.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (
France
)
A:
Only at Christmas time.
__________________________________________________
Q:
I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while
I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (
USA
)
A:
Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (
USA
)
A:
Yes, but you'll have to learn it first