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Employee Performance Evaluations Workplace / Back Home
For everyone
who has ever had an evaluation - just remember,
it could have been worse. These are actual quotes
taken from
federal government employee
performance evaluations.
1. "Since my last report, this
employee has reached rock-bottom
and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee
to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so
much of a has-been, but more
of a definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant
supervision and cornered like
a rat in a trap."
5. "When he opens his mouth, it
seems that it is only to change
feet."
6. "This young lady has delusions
of adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards
and then consistently fails
to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a
village somewhere of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far,
and the sooner he starts the
better."
10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks
the plastic thingy to hold it
all together."
11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times
worse than an ordinary
ignoramus."
12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but
he's a carrier."
14. "I would like to go hunting
with him sometime."
15. "He's been working with glue
too much."
16. "He would argue with a
signpost."
17. "He brings a lot of joy
whenever he leaves the room."
18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he
should sell."
19. "If you see two people talking
and one looks bored, he's the
other one."
20. "A photographic memory but with
the lens cover glued on."
21. "A prime candidate for natural
de-selection."
22. "Donated his brain to science
before he was done using it."
23. "Gates are down, the lights are
flashing, but the train
isn't coming."
24. "He's got two brains cells, one
is lost and the other is out
looking for it."
25. "If he were any more stupid,
he'd have to be watered twice a
week."
26. "If you give him a penny for
his thoughts, you'd get
change."
27. "If you stand close enough to
him, you can hear the ocean."
28. "It's hard to believe he beat
out 1,000,000 other sperm."
29. "One neuron short of a
synapse."
30. "Some drink from the fountain
of knowledge; he only
gargled."
31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch
60-minutes."
32. "The wheel is turning, but the
hamster is dead.