Would You Hire This Guy?
This is an actual job application that a 17
year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida and they hired him because he
was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right
person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or
Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to
be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock
options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible,
make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle
management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible
collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday,
Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but
they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I
had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT
WOULD PROHIBIT YOU
FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more
appropriate question here would be
"Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house
Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks
yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE
YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super
model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like
to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND
COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.