One evening last week, my
girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat
up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to
hold me.
I said, "WHAT??!! What was
that?!"
So she says the words that
every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with
my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs
as a man."
She responded to my puzzled
look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for
you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was
going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to
take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice
lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I
walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive
outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just
buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I
said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry
department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings.
Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one
wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis
bracelet when she doesn't even know
how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop
when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual
satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited
anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the
cashier."
I could hardly contain myself
when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely
blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want
you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my
financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a
woman."
And just when she had
this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love
me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex
tonight either....but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.