Mental Hospital Phone Menu Goofy Stuff / Back Home
Thanks to Mary Lou for sending this one!
Hello and thank you for calling The
State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so
we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother
Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you
which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing
will make you happy anyway.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or
after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss,
press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up, our operators are too busy to talk
with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and
cry. You won't be crazy forever.
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by
remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care. Now that I
have sent this to you I have done my part.