A New Element Political Crap / Back Home
Thanks to Moose for this one!
Research has led to the discovery of
the heaviest element yet known to
science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neuron, 25
assistant neurons, 88 deputy neurons, and 198 assistant deputy neurons, giving
it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected,
because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally
take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neurons and deputy neurons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass
will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause
more morons to become neurons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron
promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed
whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity
is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium
becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as
Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.