To be posted VERY LOW on
the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw
print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain
my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food
does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find
that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by
NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I
cannot buy anything bigger than a king-
sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is
not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a
secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and
manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try
to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door
open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using
the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To
pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front
door: