free hit counter
Rules for Pets and Visitors Back to Pets / Back Home
For all
you pet lovers.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
*The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a
paw
print in the middle of my food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.
*The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help,
since I fall faster than you can run.
*I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am truly
sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball
when
they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicularly to each
other,
stretched
out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
maximize
space is
nothing but sarcasm.
*For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If
by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
it is
not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through
the same door I
entered. I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or
feline attendance is not mandatory.
*The proper order is kiss me and THEN go smell the other dog or
cat's
butt. I cannot stress this enough!
*To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message
on our front door:
****************************************************************
* Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About
Our
Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture )
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours (or
threes), and
does not speak clearly.
*Why dogs & cats are better than kids because:
- they eat less,
- don't ask for money all the time,
- are easier to train,
- usually come when called,
- never drive your car,
- don't hang out with drug-using friends,
- don't smoke or drink,
- don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions,
- don't wear your clothes,
- don't need a gazillion dollars for college,
- and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.