July 25, 2009
Congress today announced that
the office of the President of
the United States of America
will be outsourced to India as
of September 1, 2009.
The move is being made in
order to save the President's
$500,000 yearly salary, and
also a record $750 billion in
deficit expenditures and
related overhead that his
office has incurred during the
last 3 months.
It is anticipated that $7
trillion can be saved to the
end of the President's term.
"We believe this is a wise
financial move. The cost
savings are huge." stated
Congressman Thomas Reynolds
(R-WA). "We cannot remain
competitive on the world stage
with the current level of cash
outlay," Reynolds noted.
Obama was informed by e-mail
this morning of his
termination.
Preparations for the job move
have been underway for some
time.
Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician
for Indus Teleservices,
Mumbai, India, will assume the
office of President as of
September 1, 2009. Mr. Singh
was born in the United States
while his Indian parents were
vacationing at Niagara Falls,
NY, thus making him eligible
for the position. He will
receive a salary of $320 (USD)
a month, but no health
coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh
will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a
support staff. Due to the
time difference between the US
and India, he will be working
primarily at night. "Working
nights will allow me to keep
my day job at the Dell
Computer call center," stated
Mr. Singh in an exclusive
interview. "I am excited
about this position. I always
hoped I would be President."
A Congressional spokesperson
noted that while Mr. Singh may
not be fully aware of all the
issues involved in the office
of President, this should not
be a problem as Obama had
never been familiar with the
issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a
script tree that will enable
him to respond effectively to
most topics of concern. Using
these canned responses, he can
address common concerns
without having to understand
the underlying issue at all.
"We know these scripting tools
work," stated the
spokesperson. "Obama has used
them successfully for years,
with the result that some
people actually thought he
knew what he was talking
about."
Obama will receive health
coverage, expenses, and salary
until his final day of
employment. Following a
two-week waiting period, he
will be eligible for $140 a
week unemployment for 26
weeks. Unfortunately he will
not be eligible for Medicaid,
as his unemployment benefits
will exceed the allowed limit.
Obama has been provided with
the outplacement services of
Manpower, Inc. to help him
write a resume and prepare for
his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Obama
may have difficulties in
securing a new position due to
a lack of any successful work
experience during his
lifetime.
A greeter position at WalMart
was suggested due to Obama's
extensive experience at
shaking hands, as well as his
special smile.